I think everyone has had that friend who always pokes fun at everyone within finger-pointing range. Well, that’s Bill in our office. He’s always joking around with someone; whether it’s bombarding me with Nerf missiles, referring to our tech team as the Three Stooges, or imitating Gina’s and Kristina’s foreign accents (although I’m not sure if Gina’s Canadian accent really qualifies as “foreign”). Unfortunately for us, there’s not much we can do to defend ourselves; it normally doesn’t do your job security much good to talk back to your boss.
April 1, though, gives us a chance to retaliate without fear of reprisal – or at least of being fired. The We-Care.com team really came through with some great practical joke suggestions, though we are a tad handicapped because we do have to keep the prank “office-appropriate.” With that in mind, we had to pass on most of the interns’ ideas.
Colin, for example, proposed that we pour an entire bottle of Exlax into Bill’s morning latte. For the sake of the community bathroom, we had to pass on that idea. David suggested that we spread a rumor that Bill has a life-sized replica of the starship Enterprise’s control room in his apartment, and pretends he’s Captain Kirk commanding imaginary missions into unchartered celestial territory. We didn’t think upper management would allow a grown man with a spaceship for a living room to continue to run their website. So, again, we had to put the squadoosh on that scheme.
But fear not, we have come up with the most diabolical, hilarious, and memorable prank that just comes up short of causing any critical bodily or reputational harm to our malevolent general manager. (And please note, Bill, that the interns had the most radical prank ideas. Perhaps it would be a good idea to stop making them cry on a daily basis.)
At this point, you may be asking yourself why we would give Bill a heads-up about all of this. The answer is simple: the surprise attack is overrated. We have all felt the dread that anticipation can cause. Imagine the anxiety that this post will create within Bill as he edits it before pushing it live. Will Laurel the Penguin, Bill’s beloved We-Care.com mascot, be involved in the plot? Should Bill take down Facebook pictures just in case we decide to have some fun with Photoshop and post them around the office? It might help if he started taking his laptop home at night so we don’t change all the file names on it.
I think you get the idea.
Or, maybe – to ensure that we won’t get in too much trouble – we’ll use something we found through We-Care.com. There are tons of We-Care.com stores that have great gag and joke gifts; and how mad could Bill get if we told him that we donated to his favorite cause while buying that remote-controlled tarantula that is currently crawling along his desktop?
Here are a couple of stores that we have looked through to help us pull off the ultimate office prank:
Stupid.com (7.5% donation) – An entire store dedicated to dumb gifts that are sure to get a laugh.
The Onion Store (6%) – Browse their huge selection of joke newspapers, T-shirts, books, magnets, and more.
Hammacher Schlemmer (5%) – A great gadget site; their remote-controlled tarantula is a shoe-in to creep out even the bravest souls.
Despair, Inc. (5%) – Check out their hilariously cynical selection of T-shirts and posters.
Spencer’s Gifts (5%) – For the more mature practical jokester; find fart machines, fake lottery tickets, and more.
X-Treme Geek (2.5%) – They have a huge variety of fun gadgets and gizmos; our favorite: the Potato Pellet Gun.
RaidenTech.com (2.5%) – Pester your friends with a Micro-Mosquito Remote Control Helicopter.
Oh, and Bill, I’ll give you one more hint at what we’re not going to do. Anastasia (another intern, by the way) suggested that we drug you and then smuggle your unconscious body onto a plane destined for Kazakhstan. The shear magnitude of this plot captivated us, and Anastasia said she had the connections to make it happen. The only snag in this, seemingly, flawless scheme was that flights to Kazakhstan cost upwards of $3,000; we previously decided not spend more than $50 on this prank. You got lucky on that one Bill, but seriously, you have got to lighten up on these interns.
From all of us at We-Care.com, have a great – and mischievous – April Fools Day!